I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
