Will you blow on my dice?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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