we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
