I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
