Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
