meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
