What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
