My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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