Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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