The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Randomize
