don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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