drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
