how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize