one might say we're banned from that church
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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