Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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