dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
