If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
