You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
