omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
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