your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize