We're facebook friends in real life
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
