what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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