he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
