Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
