census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
