I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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