She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize