After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
