i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
