the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize