She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize