Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
