hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
