I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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