white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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