dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
