I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
