I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
