I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
