Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
