1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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