Already got asked if we're dating
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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