i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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