she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
