But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
