apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize