I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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