How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
