Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
