just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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