I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
