Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
