When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
