That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
