There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
