I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
