My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize