I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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