I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
