You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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