Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize