I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
