wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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