Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
