Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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