I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
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