You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
