I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
